(Fruit Basket fruits are making catcalling and admiring sounds)

Orange: Hey! Hey guys, what's so funny?

(Fruit Basket fruits are catalling and greeting)

Orange: Hey! Hey, Apple!

Jalapeño: Are you talking to me? Hello, my orange friend.

Orange: Hey, Apple! How'd you get so skinny?

Green Apple: Hey, he's not an apple!

Clementine: Yeah, shut up, Orange.

Green Apple: It's okay.Go on, Chili Gordo.

Orange: (snickers) You called Apple "Gordo."

Jalapeño: Yes, yes she did. You see Orange, I have many names.

Orange: Like Apple.

Jalapeño: No, I am not an apple. My name is... Jalapeño.

(Fruit Basket fruits scream)

Clementine: He's so hot!

(Title card rolls in)

Orange: Hey, hey Gordo!

Jalapeño: Yes, my orange friend.

Orange: I thought you were hot.

Jalapeño: I am.

Orange: So why do they call you "chili"? (laughs)

Fruit Basket: Hey, shut up, Orange! You're being so stupid; stop it!

Orange: Geez, talk about a "bowl" movement. (laughs)

Peach: Mr. Jalapeño, I have this friend and like, she was wondering if you'd ever be interested in... in a peach?

Jalapeño: Interested? No.

Peach: (dissapointed) Oh...

Jalapeño: I would be more than interested. (Peach becomes happy) And please, tell your friend she looks quite lovely today.

(Fruit basket fruits are gasping and admiring)

Pear: Oh, my God. You are so smooth. Orange, did you see that? How does he do that?

Orange: Don't ask me. How am I supposed to "jalapeño"? (laughs)

Jalapeño: (chucles) Touché, Orange.

Orange: Gesundheit.

Jalapeño: You know Orange, you remind me of someone.

Clementine: Please don't say me. Please don't say me.

Orange: Really?

Jalapeño: Yes, you see, my friend, I wasn't always so smooth.

(there comes a flashback that shows a much younger Jalapeño)

Jalapeño: Hey, hey, Habanero, hey!

Habanero: What?

Jalapeño: Habanero, hey!

Habanero: What?

Jalapeño: Can you do this? ♪ Lalalalalalalalalalala ♪

Habanero: Hey, knock it off.

Jalapeño: ♪ Lalalalalalalalala ♪

Habanero: Knock it off!

(Jalapeño laughs and habanero goarns)

Jalapeño: Hey, Habanero.

Habanero: What?

Jalapeño: Habanero, hey!

Habanero: What?!

Jalapeño: Knife. (Habanero gets cut in half and Jalapeño screams. Flashback ends)

Jalapeño: Ah, was I ever so young?

Peach: Aww, he's so deep.

Orange: Hey! Hey, Gordo.Do you want to hear me sing?

Jalapeño: Yes, very much.

Orange starts singing randomly and making tongue noises)

Jalapeño: Hmm...

Orange: It's a showstopper.

Pear: Seriously dude, I'm not with him.

Jalapeño: Orange, you have no talent.

Orange: Geez, that's not smooth.

Jalapeño: But... you possess something more precious. You, my friend, are full of... pasión.

Orange: No, I'm not. That's just citrus.

Jalapeño: No. It is true. Pear: No, really, it's just citrus.

Jalapeño: Talent is a cheap call but fora man that wears too much plaid.

Orange: Hmm, I am pretty gassy.

Jalapeño: Do you think, without passion,I could do this? ♪ Fra-la-la-laaa ♪

(Green Apple weeps)

Jalapeño: ♪ Fraaa-la-la-laa ♪

(Fruit basket fruits are screaming/catcalling)

Starfruit: He's so beautiful!

Jalapeño: No, no, thank you. Thank you. Do you have any requests?

Pear: Oh, hey,do you know any show tunes?

Peach: Free Bird! Do Free Bird!

Orange: Ooh-ooh! Knife! Knife!

Jalapeño: Knife? I don't know that one.

Orange: No! Knife!

(Knife cuts Jalapeño's top off)

Jalapeño: Ouch!

Orange: Whoa!

(Fruit basket fruits scream, this time in horror)

Orange: Chili Gordo!

Jalapeño: Amigo, you have cut me deeperthan any woman I have ever met.

Orange: Actually, his name is Knife.

Jalapeño: Yes, and someday... he will come to us all.

Orange: Geez, that's kinda dark.

Jalapeño: And yet, there is still light.

(Starfruit weeps)

Jalapeño: The burning light of passion;it is now in your hands.

Orange: But I don't have hands. I'm an orange.

Jalapeño: Nor do I. But yet, I'm still...

Orange: Handsome?

Jalapeño: (chuckles) Yes, my friend. I knew you wouldn't let me down. (Knife cuts him again) Ouch.

Orange: Thanks, Jalapeño.

Jalapeño: Keep the passion burning, Orange. Keep it burning. Ouch...